Tips To Calm An Angry Child
When my child is having a meltdown, it is so difficult for me to be composed. Tackling the angry emotions can be exhausting for both of us. I know I’m not alone in dealing with these and I understand that coping with a child’s angry emotions is difficult. These visits to ‘Tantrum City’ are upsetting, nasty and admittedly, a part of childhood.
The angry feelings always stem from a need. A need to be heard, a need to be loved, a need to not be sad or a need to just get attention. My son has gone through hitting, screaming and now, mumbling. Though he has a better tap on his anger, we have worked hard to equip him on handling his bunch of explosive feelings. Unfortunately, he doesn’t participate in ‘Calm Me Down Activities.’ These have not worked well for us. In this blog I am listing a few strategies which have helped us to express his anger in a more acceptable manner.
These Tips To Calm An Angry Child have helped us much.
Tip To Calm An Angry Child #1
Educate Yourself Talking to people never hurts. Acknowledging that you need help steering through the angry emotions your child is facing doesn’t belittle you as a parent. Knowledge empowers. So when as a parent you read stuff about handling an angry child, talk to therapists, interact with school counselors, you will gain from the experience and feel more confident about handling angry feelings. Here is a resource I found truly insightful.
Tip To Calm An Angry Child #2
Educate Your Child Knowing about meltdowns and how to parent an angry child can only get you so far. If your child is unaware of his feelings, emotions and triggers, it will be very hard to manage the meltdowns. These meltdowns can take a home hostage. The home can become full of yelling and unrest. So talk to him about how it’s perfectly acceptable to be hurt, cry and feel pain, but it is not acceptable to hurt others or be mean. As parents to our son, we embrace his pain, hurt and disappointments while guiding him on how to communicate the same.
Tip To Calm An Angry Child #3
Allow Your Child Some Freedom Children usually have little control over their lives. This makes them feel denied. As my son grew older, the need for power surfaced. He wanted to choose, he wanted a say in just about everything. These power struggles become triggers to behavioural issues which then resulted in angry outbursts. So we encouraged him to make responsible choices. We now offer him choices that are acceptable to us. This may not be everyone’s traditional parenting style but every child’s needs are different. Also since he himself is responsible for the choice, the consequences are more acceptable to him.
Tip To Calm An Angry Child #4
Log the outbursts This has been key for me. I have a notebook where I write the date, the time, the way the outburst started, how it evolved, our response, and what we, the parents, could have done differently to change the outcome of the situation. Once I started this, I quickly realized all of her outbursts were before a meal or before bedtime. I also realized that he always, always got off the school bus rather upset. We investigated and found out that some of the peers on the bus were giving him a tough time. Once the issue on hand was resolved, his angry outbursts almost disappeared! Thanks to this strategy, I have learned to parent more effectively.
Tip To Calm An Angry Child #5
Give it a pass I made a deal with myself. If his outburst happens before a meal or when he’s hungry or just returned from school, I would let it pass then. Sometimes, letting up an angry situation is the best alternative. Re-think why your child is angry and oftentimes you will realize, it is not you who is the focus of the anger, it is just the situation. Some battles are just not worth fighting for.
Tip To Calm An Angry Child #6
Work on the real issues when he is calm. Talking to an angry child will never benefit anyone. Nor is he listening, nor is he talking. So it’s a dead end. It is always better to bring up discussions when the child is listening and willing to receive. Mine, at 5 years, is still learning to cope with feeling disappointed, kindness towards others, patience and problem solving window. Reading and relating to story characters has helped us immensely. He has had the longest love affair with Pepper, Bruno and Bubbles. Relating life situations with these characters helped him to understand situations and consequences.
Tip To Calm An Angry Child #7
Find The Anger Triggers My angry child needs smaller meals all day rather than three main meals. He’s got a faster metabolic rate and needs to snack often. I found a direct correlation between feeding him often and his behavior being more balanced. So, I carry snacks everywhere and I now just trust that he knows when he needs to eat. It is what it is. I also know that he needs a fixed routine which means dedicated patterns and timings. Now that he’s older, these are beginning to be flexible.
Tip To Calm An Angry Child #8
Manage your own anger If you go off like a rocket at the slightest thing, it’s likely your child will too. Your kid is watching. Bust out a technique or two to show your kid you can control your temper too. Remember, kids learn by what we do more than what we say. So if you demonstrate good anger management and staying in control of yourself chances are, your child will learn to do the same. A word of caution: anger habits are learned. So try not to let your own anger build up. Be positive and calm. Avoid your own triggers.
Food For Mommy’s Thought: Do not teach your child not to be angry; teach him how to be angry. – LYMAN ABBOTT