How To Raise A Resilient Child In A Hurtful World
The ketchup bottle is empty and baby can’t have more right now. Wahnnnn!
The TV conked and he can’t watch it. Tantrum!
Someone took his turn on the slide. Sob! Sob!
Sounds familiar? But this is just the beginning. Kids today aren’t accustomed to handling hurt.It’s a difficult world outside and it’s not always kind. At s a parent, it’s up to me to teach them that mean things happen. Teaching them to be resilient, is something that is within my means.
Resilience isn’t birthright. But it can be taught. Kids can be taught the skills to handle the unexpected, which actually contrasts our cultural approach.
“We have become a culture of trying to make sure our kids are comfortable. We as parents are trying to stay one step ahead of everything our kids are going to run into.” The problem? “Life doesn’t work that way.”
Anxious people have an especially hard time helping their kids tolerate uncertainty, simply because they have a hard time tolerating it themselves. The idea of putting your child through the same pain that you went through is intolerable. So anxious parents try to protect their kids and shield them from worst-case scenarios. (as quoted in psychcentral )
Here are a few tips on how to raise resilient kids in a world of hurt so they bounce back.
1. Take Risks
As a parent teach your children to take risks. It’s when they take risks that they will learn to cope with success and failure. In each situation, they will learn to cope. They will learn to respond. Its helps your child to experience feelings of pain, because it’s essential they’re able to process it.
2.Don’t accommodate every need
Giving them everything they want, providing it before they ask, all of this reduces their levels of accommodating while also making them feel entitled. We are somewhere, getting in the way of them developing their own adjustment levels and their own problem-solving.
3.Talk about Your Failure
When a kid sees that you (the parent) at some point went through a similar rough patch, he feels better. So what I actually do is tell my child “ It’s ok to not win. I love you despite that because you gave it a fair shot.”
4.Explain Why Things Are Always Not In Control
They need to know that some things cannot be battled. When I told my children that they just had to get the swine flu shots and there was nothing we could do about it, they accepted it. Explaining why something stressful has to happen prepares them for acceptance.
5.Reduce the “Why”
When I ask my son ‘Why did you leave your book behind in school’ he’s reluctant to admit that he’s been careless. So now, I’ve started asking him ‘How are we going to finish the HW without your book.’ With a slightly different set of questions we trigger thinking in the kids. This helps them prepare for painful situations in life.
6.Give Your Kids More Credit
When I had a surgery, I couldn’t meet my son (then 3 years) for a week. He coped. He learnt. He survived. He enjoyed his time with his papa. When he finally came to see me he asked, “Mom are you strong enough for me to hold you