How To Raise A Resilient Child In A Hurtful World
Disclaimer: This is my personal blog and all the views and thoughts expressed here are my own.
The ketchup bottle is empty and baby can’t have more right now. Wahnnnn!
The TV conked and he can’t watch it. Tantrum!
Someone took his turn on the slide. Sob! Sob!
Sounds familiar? But this is just the beginning. Kids today aren’t accustomed to handling hurt.It’s a difficult world outside and it’s not always kind. At s a parent, it’s up to me to teach them that mean things happen. Teaching them to be resilient, is something that is within my means.
Resilience isn’t birthright. But it can be taught. Kids can be taught the skills to handle the unexpected, which actually contrasts our cultural approach.
“We have become a culture of trying to make sure our kids are comfortable. We as parents are trying to stay one step ahead of everything our kids are going to run into.” The problem? “Life doesn’t work that way.”
Anxious people have an especially hard time helping their kids tolerate uncertainty, simply because they have a hard time tolerating it themselves. The idea of putting your child through the same pain that you went through is intolerable. So anxious parents try to protect their kids and shield them from worst-case scenarios. (as quoted in psychcentral )
Here are a few tips on how to raise resilient kids in a world of hurt so they bounce back.
1. Take Risks
As a parent teach your children to take risks. It’s when they take risks that they will learn to cope with success and failure. In each situation, they will learn to cope. They will learn to respond. Its helps your child to experience feelings of pain, because it’s essential they’re able to process it.
2.Don’t accommodate every need
Giving them everything they want, providing it before they ask, all of this reduces their levels of accommodating while also making them feel entitled. We are somewhere, getting in the way of them developing their own adjustment levels and their own problem-solving.
3.Talk about Your Failure
When a kid sees that you (the parent) at some point went through a similar rough patch, he feels better. So what I actually do is tell my child “ It’s ok to not win. I love you despite that because you gave it a fair shot.”
4.Explain Why Things Are Always Not In Control
They need to know that some things cannot be battled. When I told my children that they just had to get the swine flu shots and there was nothing we could do about it, they accepted it. Explaining why something stressful has to happen prepares them for acceptance.
5.Reduce the “Why”
When I ask my son ‘Why did you leave your book behind in school’ he’s reluctant to admit that he’s been careless. So now, I’ve started asking him ‘How are we going to finish the H.W. without your book.’ With a slightly different set of questions we trigger thinking in the kids. This helps them prepare for painful situations in life.
6.Give Your Kids More Credit
When I had a surgery, I couldn’t meet my son (then 3 years) for a week. He coped. He learnt. He survived. He enjoyed his time with his papa. When he finally came to see me he asked, “Mom are you strong enough for me to hold you.
Also read TEACHING MY KIDS TO BE THANKFUL
Totally with you on this!! We as parents need to be less protective and let them be by themselves so that they learn the different twist and turns life gives you
Indeed. I’m glad you stopped by to leave these words 🙂
This is such a wonderful post. I try to make sure that I am raising my daughters as independent as possible. Almost all the points you mentioned in the article, I too try to incorporate in my parenting. The article is a good reminder what we all should be doing to ensure that we raise stronger yet compassionate kids for the future generations.
It’s something I take home from my kids experiences in school. We can only, as parents, protect them to a point.
Malvern your posts are always so informative. Slightly changing the question may help them to trigger new ways to tackle the problem or not let the problem happen in the first place.
I liked the post. Yes we as a parent should take the parenting to a next level after a phase and let the child face the problems and comeout with his solutions. this is the key to raise an independent kid. Our age old practice of sending kids to Gurukul was based on the same key practice.
These are some very useful tips for parents to learn. It is important for kids to learn to cope with every situation. We should not be going ahead every time to make things easier for them. Very well thought of.
You are right. World outside the four safe walls is not that easy going and things are not always easy and straight forward. We have to prepare our kids and groom their personality so that they should be able to handle even a tough situation with a smile on their face.
Thanks for the wonderful post!!
I can relate to this post a lot. My son is at the stage of starting to walk, and I feel I am being too protective. I agree, we should let them take more risks so that they learn how to cope up.
These tips are very useful for parents to learn on how to make their kids more independent and self. We should always try to let them free to learn many new things of their own. Let them experience the world according to their own way.
What a great read! Parenting is so different for everyone. Your perspective is so refreshing.