My Lazy Husband Won’t Get Off The Couch!
Ahhh!! This!! The lazy husband saga!!
Sometimes I wonder if there is any one of us out there who has not thought of this or cribbed about it at some point in life. And it is always true!
Over the years watching my father greying and my husband, well faster than my father, and now my quickly growing up son, I have realized a couple of things about the men in my life.
I have realized, they always consider things as an option.
They know they can say NO. This, unfortunately, isn’t something we women are accustomed to. So when my friends call and say they want me to bake an apple crumble, I never consider saying no. Rain or high tide, gym or car-pool, I would trouble myself to do it. On the other hand, my husband would always think I have an option of saying no if I cannot fit it in my day. I conclude it is a matter of conditioning. Men somehow, are just more practical. They aren’t lazy. Hence if I ask him ‘Do you think you can clear the garbage bin’ there is a possibility that he will say ‘No!’
I have realized, their priorities are different.
Hear me when I say this. What is important to you may not be important to him. So if you think the blankets need to be folded while you are busy preparing waffles for the family on a Sunday morning, he knows that they are going to come out again in the afternoon when he and baby nap! Why bother!! Hmm….I know it’s a tough one to deal with, but over the years, I have learnt to let go (with a lot of difficulty) and cheerfully (I’m trying to not lie here) accept this. It is after all, as much his home as mine! Once again, the husband isn’t being lazy, he’s probably just doesn’t see the point of doing it just then.
I have realized he never hears me!
Even as I write this blog, I had to take a moment off to call and ask if he had given the baby (he volunteered to baby-sit while I caught up on my writing). He said he didn’t hear me say it! Grrrrr! So I have learnt to talk to him when I am sure I have his attention. I also put little reminders till I get task at hand is done. Does this make him a lazy husband? I doubt that. I have accepted it as a character flaw in him. His mind drifts and it is OK for me to bring it back in place! On several occasion it helps to explain to him why doing it is important to me. This usually makes him see my perspective and gets things done faster!
I have realized nagging never helps!
At this point you must be wondering how reminding at different intervals is in any way different from nagging. It is. It is because it is not done in a condescending tone. I don’t anymore pick up the phone and yell “I’ve already told you 5 times to get the tap leak fixed…blah blah!” I have adopted calmer means of reminding him. He is a better builder of relationships than I am and I have learnt from him to accept people’s shortcomings respectfully. He in turn is trying to extend the same respect back to me by making a genuine effort to remember.
I have realized he speaks a different language!
Yes! The Mars v/s Venus language barrier. I cannot just expect him to understand what I am saying. I need to say what he understands. So when I say I need help in the house and he’s not doing enough, I normally get a list of things he’s done in the past few days. He will make me count how he fetched milk yesterday or walked the kids to the park or did the dishes. But really what I am saying is that I perhaps need help on more regular basis. So I just tell him what and how it as to be done. This makes it easier for him to help around and I almost usually know that I have helped the situation by explaining clearly what needs to be done.
I have realized that in the end he’s a great husband and the most doting father I know! So just because he can’t get things done the way I want them or I perceive they should be, in my heart I know he doesn’t mean to not help. He just does it differently from what I ask.
Food For Mommy’s Thought: Be stubborn about what you want, but flexible about how you achieve it.