Am I a Bad Mom?
I left my husband and kids on what was a regular school night for some fun with my girl friends. The movie was like a validation of the decision that I had made! By definition of the movie, it also qualified me to being a ‘Bad Mom!’
As I had hoped for, ‘Bad Moms’ turned out to be an extremely fun viewing, one full of high drama and hilarity. With snickers and jeers reverberating amidst my viewing peers, we couldn’t help but say ‘Aye’ to those women on the screen getting out there and affirming to being less than perfect in their roles. It was about moms making certain choices for themselves albeit not ignoring responsibilities. It was about them seeking out a liberating life that had gone AWOL postpartum.
As a mom, it irks me that I am judged by the standard of my child’s accomplishment. That I am under the microscope for every thing my child does. While I understand that my child must do well in every test, that I must reach every meeting looking like I have walked out of a salon, prepare every single meal like a Master Chef winner and organize play-dates that resemble the event of the year or its equivalent; I have so often crumbled under the weight and have reached a point of exodus.
Bad Moms echoes each of these feelings that moms experience. The un-kindled desires, that un-experienced fun, the want to be wild and loads more that they are reluctant to confess. I love Mila Kunis and the beautiful depiction of the juxtapose of a mom’s roles. Trying to be the perfect mom, juggling of life between an unfaithful husband, a what-seems like a perfect job, good kids going to a seemingly a posh school. All that until she has a melt-down moment and transitions into a ‘Bad Mom.’
But this is where I ponder. While I sit here writing, I am compelled to wonder; why is she a bad mom? Because she chose her needs for once. Because she wanted to forfeit the weight of being judged? Because she was absolutely not trying to impress other people in her life? Because she decided not to be bullied by worldly pretentious parenting standards? Or because she had the good sense to also have fun by her own definition. By all means, doesn’t a mom have her own ‘girl’ wants?
The movie is a beautiful spectrum of the decisions a mom faces in her own life; not just as a mother, but also as an individual. If you don’t try, you are a bad mom. And if you try, there will still be people who will call you a bad mom. Ironically, many perceive ‘motherhood’ to be the equivalent of ‘respectability.’ While I don’t want to debate this, I am compelled to wonder if the bar is the same for ‘fatherhood.’
As moms, each of us try to the end of our being to do what is best needed for our kids. Forgo careers, make do with lesser paying jobs, volunteer to be the SAH Parent, turn on our multi-skilled personalities going from cook to driver to laundry women to just about everything ( I could do a separate blog with the entire list!!!) Every day of the week 24*7 we say ‘Bring it on!!’ And we do it with love and respect. All I can say is that in reality, having a few drinks with one’s girlfriends, taking trips to the movies, enjoying juvenile humour, not being at your child’s beck and call and parenting contrary to the perceptions of society DON’T make you a bad mom.
And should it, go on, be a Bad Mom because it is also your life.